The 5-Phase Election Fever (Part 1)

Hi

As the IPL rages on with all its fury, the nation is also gripped with another fever called as the “Election Fever”. Thousands of candidates across the nation fight for getting an entry into the prestigious “Lok Sabha”, also called “A jail where you get paid to shout incessantly and commit crimes against the nation” by many educated individuals, who unfortunately have better things to worry about that the sorry state of the nation and try to change it. The news-channels are doing their usual bit of creating more chaos and confusion than there is already present.

I have been looking at the news for the last 1 month and the only news that I have got to know understand very clearly is that there is no new “news”. The Out of Times channel goes on repeating every damn news that is possible, with the “debate” host Joy-Ho Swami trying to get the top-class politicians to debate, including the “I will never make sense” Congressman Holly Polly staunchly defending the young and dashing “statesman” Mr. “Pinch-me-I-am-in-a-dream” Diaper Baba. While the pseudo-GYP cadre is also not far behind, with the ever-ready-to-speak Jai Jai Shankar always in the heat to make sure that his voice drowns every other voice, including that of the Swami. But the press always gets away with what they say and one of the media analysts “know-it-all” Fraud Akbaari clearly states that all depends on the numbers (as if we never knew that).

In the midst of all this, the not-too-far-behind Headache Everyday news-channel promptly manages to make the Harishchandra-ka-beta Bihari CM a bakra with an exclusive interview taken by a person who was so nervous that he almost looked like India’s first case of Swine Flu! After the lengthy and somewhat exhaustive interview, the channel kept showing the interview clippings for another 24 hours, as if there was no other news to be reported in India.

Meanwhile, trouble was brewing in the air when Ms. Lallu-thi supported the cause of Mr. Teda-Muh for the post of the PM of India. Suddenly, there were more than two people who were vying for the post of the PM apart from the two main contenders “Am-I-the-PM” Mommy Singh and “Mera-number-kab-aayega” Buddhe ki-Vaani. The field was thrown wide open and many more entered the fray, with the Social Engineer Maya Memsaab openly staking her claim. Infact, “The Economist” had an article on her, calling her “India’s Anti-Obama” and that her election to the post of the PM would not be a welcome move. But since she and Teda-Muh made known that they were in the fray, reports started surfacing about the Diaper Baba alternative for the pseudo-GYP in the form of “Mein-development-hoon” Mr. Toymaker, who was endorsed by none other than two main leaders of the BJP, Mr. full-of-facts Lawyer Baba and Mr. Showroom. However, Harishchandra-ka-beta clearly stated in the interview that his support was only for Buddhe ki-Vaani ji and any other name is out of the question.

But then how can the Toymaker keep out of the news. Inspite of him calling the GOP a “Budhiya” and then a “Gudiya”, the Maa Ki Beti was still calm and asked if she is old enough to be called a Budhiya. Meanwhile, there was more kichdi being cooked, as the Toymaker’s previous crimes, one of them being “very small insignificant” riot in 2002, were called into the question. For the first time, both the GOP and the pseudo-GYP questioned this accusation for its timing – The pseudo-GYP calling it a political stunt to bring its credentials to question and the GOP calling it a poll-stunt to generate a sympathy wave in the baniya state.

In the South, health issues and Diaper Baba issues forced the “Grand-old-man-of-Indian-Tamils” Mr. No-Kaccha Anna to cancel a rally in his state. The poll issues in this state are not related in any way to even India, but to the issue of Tamils living in another country that hangs like a tear-drop in the Indian Ocean. The leader of the Tamil Agitation there, Mr. “I-was-once-handsome” Barrel Tiger, is almost surrounded by the Lankan army and will be captured soon. But Ms. Lallu-thi is not going to stop her rantings, making India perhaps the only major country in the world where an election issue lies in the people from another nation!

It seems to be that some bigwigs do not like the rise of the Toymaker and have deflected the questions about him, one of them being Mr. “I-never-chew-paan” Raja Beta. But the entire maamla about the Toymaker was suddenly forgotten when the Seedha-Sadhu Party (SP) supremo Mr. “I-am-all-powerful” Hatta-Katta Yadav has told that his support will be for any party that would promise to remove Maya Memsaab from her seat. What a sham! Meanwhile, there is trouble brewing in the SP, where two main members, Mr. “Never-say-die” Ambani Bhakt and Mr. Khan Saheb are at loggerheads over the inclusion of Mr. “Who-am-I” Kallu Mama into the party. Hatta-Katta has deferred the issue till the results come out.

For the glossary of terms used, please refer to this LINK.

Part 2 of the Fever will be up soon...