Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Facebook in the after-life...

(Disclaimer: No offence meant to any religion here, just take this article lightly)

In my last 6 months out of blogging I have been involved into extensive chats with a lot of friends. Some of them raised a lot of funny issues, especially with the new fad called “Facebook”. In a chat with Sheekha, I once wondered how it would be like if one could actually update Facebook chats even after one is dead J Just the thought of it was funny enough, and I felt it could be one of my first posts once I re-start blogging.

Since death is a serious topic, it has to be dealt with through the viewpoint of various religions. Let us consider the case of Facebook being the common media here, and imagine how people from different religions would update their SMs on Facebook just before and after they are dead J Equally applicable to Twitter (when restricted to 140 characters)

Year: Around 2050. Location: Hyderabad, India. Middle-class old man in his 70s, about to die because of a prolonged illness. Grumpy character, young at heart. Family and friends are at his deathbed. (Else just imagine me dying at the age of 70, just to make it easier for you fellas to imagine)

Day (-2) Afternoon: Damn all this hullabaloo. Everyone wants to meet you only when you are about to die. Sickening attitude of the younger generation I say. Will update SM later on, have to “entertain” some distant relatives. Damn, these women just can’t hide their tears, can’t they?

Day (-2) Night: Good night people, hopefully I’ll get to see you tomorrow.

Day (-1) Afternoon: Yep still alive and kicking (figuratively). Too many cute kids around the bed, busy day ahead. Can’t they leave an old man in peace even when he is about to die?

Day (-1) Evening: Grandson arrives from America. Looks like he inherited his mother’s genes – looks as Chinese as any of them J He speaks strange, but am glad to have finally seen him.

Day (-1) Night: Ok another good night. Feeling really sick today. May not live to see another day. I guess “Die Another Day” doesn’t apply to be anymore.

Day (0) Morning: Yep, I am officially dead – now how cool is that!! Hmmm. A moment of silence for my soul – wait, that’s me!!!! Died peacefully in my sleep. Got to update my status to “Dead”.

Day (0) Afternoon: Breaks my heart to see all those crying relatives (HA HA HA!!!)  - I’m now free you suckers!!! Yahooooo!!! Man, I love this Candid Camera thingie – being a soul is so freaking awesome!!!

Day (0) Night: Whoa!!! Feeling depressed seeing all those sad faces. Looks like those blokes really loved me, and were not after my money. Hmmm. Now I’m feeling sad (sob sob). I’ll miss them too. But death comes to us all, I guess.

Now I explore 2 scenarios – one for a Hindu, and the other for a Christian.


Day (1) Morning: Man, I did not know so many people loved me. I can even see some Facebook friends down here, people who I have never seen before. I’ll miss their online company surely.

Day (1) Evening: Body up for cremation. Life comes full circle once again. Hey, just realized that cremation and creation are separated by just 1 letter J English is a veru funny language  J

Day (2): It’s fun moving all over the planet. Still waiting for Soul-Transfer order, I guess even God’s administration is run by the Government of India :D Meanwhile finally getting to see the Mona Lisa in Paris. Piece of crap it is. Thankfully never wasted real money to come this far. Will spend the night in Paris itself.

Day (3): Getting a sneak-peek inside the White House, and you will be amazed at the “affairs” of the administration J Damn, the secretaries are super-hot, I do not blame Bill Clinton even a little bit for his indiscretion!!! Amazing architecture (and I am not referring to the decorum here) :P

Day (4): Finally received orders… Looks like I’m going to be a human being once again – Yipee!!! I’m gonna be Warren Buffet III J Finally, God shows me the path to enlightenment!!! Cya folks, once I am ready to use FB once again… Signing Off…


Day (1) Morning: Relatives pouring in, with their beautiful wives - Finally I can stare at people without making them uncomfortable :P Poor wifey seems inconsolable, but I’m finally free of her nagging!!! God is great!!!

Day (1) Evening: God gives me choice to either wait till I’m buried or start my journey towards the “Decision Box” (where my fate is sealed) right now. Decided to check out my fate than see the sorry faces of relatives.

Day (2): Moving upwards at a very fast pace… Already passed 4 galaxies and still no sight of the “Decision Box” or any life-form. Fate awaits.

Day (3): Finally reached the Box. Man, the line is long!!! Looks like God takes a lot of time to pronounce judgment on us. The stat-o-meter outside the room shows that 90% of the people end up in hell. Network reception is less here (high altitude) so will update SM once I reach the box.

Day (8) Morning: My turn next!!! Hope I end up in Heaven!!! Wish me luck fellas J

Day (8) Evening: Sad news. My Good:Bad ratio turns out to be 48:52… Was a close call. Finally God decided I must go to Hell, to set an example for other close-shaves like me (I wonder what Gillette has to say about this one :P) Got to change into the appropriate clothes in the Preparation Chamber.

Day 9: Just told that Heaven and Hell are similar, just that Hell does not have internet connectivity. My Nexus 25 will be confiscated soon (sob sob). Guess this is my last update. See you in Hell folks :D

What do you think?


Kjo said...

This is called coming back with a bang. Good humor there, think you gotta write for several other religions too :) It was really funny reading your post. 'Else just imagine me dying at the age of 70, just to make it easier for you fellas to imagine' made me ROFL.

keep posting more brother!!!

Raghu V N said...

hi...welcome back!

Good humor.!!

abhi said...

nice humor :P
keep blogging!!!

Tavish Chadha( said...

when u described the 70 yr old fellow I could only think of u... even without u saying it lolz

great comeback dude... loved it!

Aashish Sood said...

aw-freaking-sum... a very well read!

BTW where are u dude? aajkal kahan gayab hai?

helle said...

It's best post. I liked it.