DD Officer discovers the original Indian version of "The Simpsons" !!!!

In a stunning discovery that could shake the American way of living (and also that of pseudo-westerners in India), a young officer working at Doordarshan discovered that the classic American TV show, “The Simpsons” that recently aired its 500^th episode, was a copy of a Indian TV show that never materialised.

Mr. Subodh Gupta, who recently joined the Doordarshan team as an Asstt. Director was given a few of the old files (picked up at random from a cupboard by draw of lots) as a part of his induction and acclimatisation at DD, when he stumbled upon a proposal by Mr. Manav Ganguly, dated 1st April, 1982 conceptualizing a new TV show for Indian Television. As Subodh read the proposal in detail, he realized that the show was very similar to “The Simpsons”.

“The similarities are too strong for this to be just a co-incidence!” quoted Mr. Gupta, on learning that FN was interested in his latest discovery. Apparently FN reporter Varun was the first to know of this incident, as he stumbled on Subodh’s tweet highlighting this profound life-changing discovery after a friend had re-tweeted it without even reading its content.

Based on the contents of the file, our correspondent reported that the show was titled “The Sharmas” and featured an Indian middle class lifestyle epitomized by the family of the same name. The show was set in the future in the very real and lively locality of Delhi–6 and portrayed the slow but steady destruction of the Indian value systems and cultural traditions due to the influx of western culture in India in the form of TV shows, movies, culture and language. The show sought to highlight the travails of the Sharmas as they struggled to cope up with these rapid changes.

"If this show has an Indian original
version, I shall find it!" said a gleaming Subodh (c)

“In keeping with the rich Indian tradition of family values, the Sharmas were a joint family and hence all the individual characters were not named in the pilot episode. However, the nucleus of this family was a sub-family of five, the youngest just an infant! This cannot be just a co-incidence – Matt Groening has copied the entire format in an American setting” said a beaming Subodh, clearly having done his share of Wikipedia research before talking to our correspondent.

It was also noted in the file that the pilot episode of “The Sharmas” was shown to the then PM Indira Gandhi who instructed the Director at Prasar Bharti to cancel this project as it “mirrored a reality that Indians need not know at this point of time”. How this concept, which clearly had its origins in India, came to reach the shores of the US is still a mystery; however Subodh suspects an Italian hand in this.

“The story of Manav was buried by the Congress and its friends in media. Manav went into chronic depression and died penniless after seeing his show die a slow death in the archives of the Govt. office. He was a true patriot and deserves to be felicitated by the Government of India”, expressed Subodh on Facebook, which was reshared by 27 people at last count.

(Concept and primary inputs by Shashikumar)

Porn-star caught watching Loksabha proceedings on her iPad...

(Inspired by this post on Facebook)

In a bizarre turn of events, two upcuming pornstars were not allowed to “shoot” their next film together, after one of the camera crew members allegedly caught both of them viewing proceedings of the Indian Parliament. Sources placed at strategic positions inside AVN Network tell us that the two upcoming starlets were Sparkle Titsworth from Hooker, Oklahoma, and Fonda Cox from Climax, Colorado. A camera man, who was filming his own private video while the crime was committed, is believed to have captured the duo watching the proceedings on Ms. Cox’s iPad. The movie was delayed by three hours after a ruckus by the director over the alleged viewing. 

Cox, however, denied allegations, saying that this was an attempt to malign her “clean” image. “The allegations of me watching the proceedings of the India Parliament are utterly baseless. Each and every corner of the studio has camera that records footage from various angles. I request the media to check the footage before leveling such heinous allegations against me. I am not the kind of person who watches random videos from  – I have better things to do with my time!”

Ms. Titsworth, after a relaxing take (c)

Reacting to the allegations against Titsworth and Cox, Jack Hammer of Black Junk Productions slammed the pornstars for violating the sacred walls of their industry. "This shows their real character, they have betrayed their own with this heinous crime. Their real face is not out in the open, exposed for everyone to see. This matter must be investigated seriously."

However, leading experts pointed out that this was supposed to cum out in the open someday. "The latest KMPG report has pointed out to the stress levels that the modern pornstars are facing due to the rise in expectations, among other things, of their customers. It was bound to happen that someone would snap and commit a harakiri, the not-so-good-kind" noted leading independent consultant Oral Roberts.

“This is not fair to us. We work so hard all day long, and we deserve a break to. Watching the proceedings of the Senate and The Congress is quite boring, so we do watch some clippings of the Indian Parliament to unwind ourselves. We’ve read a lot about it, and it’s like watching WWE, only here the whole stadium, errrr I mean the whole Parliament is the ring", said Ms. Goodies (real name changed). "If not, may be just trying to understand their customer base more closely that's all. Nothing wrong in a bit of naughty research, ain't it?" winked Ms. Goodies, after which our correspondent had a very happy ending (or so he claims) :D

Dear frustrated "Indians"...

Disclaimer: I mean each and everything I write here... No pretenses from my side...

This post goes out to

a) That frustrated North-Indian in South India...

b) That pissed-off South-Indian in North India...

c) That "I am North-Indian, yet I am normal - face it your moron" and "I am a South-Indian who dares you North-Indian to defeat me in Chess or in counting how many states are in India" type of guys and girls...

d) Every other blogger who writes or plans to join any one of the above-mentioned categories (or any related category) anytime soon...

I am not going to write something extraordinary like the speech President Whitmore gave in "Independence Day". I am not going to assume anything about you or your IQ level if you ask me "What speech? Which movie?" But if you haven't seen this IMDB 6.6 rated 1996 cult-classic mind-blowing movie about how two guys - one an "Obsessed-with-recycling" geek and the other a "I deserve to be a Astronaut and I love cigars" hunk - manage to save the entire planet working together with the Greatest fictional President of the USA, I strongly urge you to reconsider reading the rest of this post and first see this movie...

I really don't care which part of the country you are from, which part of the country you stay presently and which part of the country you plan to settle down, and which "English Grammar Rule" I am breaking with each and every sentence I am writing here. I really care for your useless rantings as much I do care for the buttocks of medium-sized, long-tailed rodents belonging to the superfamily Muroidea. But I do care about what you write about my temporary home (Delhi, North-India), my permanent home (Hyderabad, South India), my birth-place (present-day Mumbai, Maharashtra) and places that made me realize home is where your heart is (Kurukshetra and Lucknow, North India) and not where your lungi is.

Dear frustrated fellow Indians from (a), (b), (c) and (d), the Constitution of India did give us all the right to freedom of speech. We use it in our own ways, but using it to rant about something that you happen to witness in your own narrow world is not hilarious - it's naive. Most of the people who read your post will laugh and enjoy it (I surely did at least one of the two things), but they might as well be laughing at you, and not at what you write (which could be equally pathetic). I, for one, just read and share. I really don't think much into such stereotypes.

Am I an authority on stereotypes? Well, lemme see. I am a short moderately-obese (moderate is not an exaggeration) South-Indian IIM graduate working in a sinking-ship PSU living in North India. I have been branded a "geek", "brainiac", "fatso", "mota reddy" "mote g***nd", "zehari" and what not for most part of my life. As a stout Hyderabadi with a clear South-Indian accent in his English and Hindi, I have heard more jokes about my physique and my dialect than the number of Sardar jokes that most people have heard. Stereotyping? I am the mother-load baby!!

Dear frustrated North-Indian in South India

If you are corporate employee posted in South India, I apologize to you on the behalf of all the screwed-up HR Personnel in this country who decided on your posting. Let me remind you that in all probability, the guy/girl who posted you (remember: Girls love HR, they just don't like marrying one) is as screwed up as you are, and hence wanted a fellow brother/sister to feel his/her pain and anguish and suffering (add more adjectives, please). It was very rude of them to make you experience a different facet of your own motherland by sending you far-far away from the comforting pallu of your mother and the heavy wallet of your father. They should have posted you in dusty Gurgaon, where you could have enjoyed the "devoid of any sense" malls, the long power-cuts in your 10 ft.*8 ft. hole for which you pay an exorbitant sum of money and "no one cares for my intelligence as much as they do for my looks" girls, instead of the discomforts of Bangalore, Mumbai or Chennai. Unfortunately, all the North-Indian HRs working in Hyderabad and Bangalore refuse to take me into their companies and give me an opportunity to amend this grave error that they have been the victims to. As soon as I get a good corporate job, I assure you I'll correct this grave injustice as much as I possibly can.

If you are a North-Indian who is settled in South India because your parents have moved there due to many different reasons, then I hope you have adjusted to the culture around you. If you haven't, well it's your own god-damn fault and you can holler all you like. But we South-Indians do know the quote "Barking Dogs Seldom Bite, but are caught most frequently by Dog-Catchers" and use it to full effect.

Dear frustrated South-Indian in North India

Yes I can empathize with your feelings sir/ma'm (fully knowing the meaning of the word empathize). North Indians are crazy, mean and unsophisticated unlike us pure-bred Dravidians who follow "Athithi-devo-bhava" to the tee, and respect all Indians - both North-and-South alike - without any discrimination of caste creed and colour. Yep, we are the "perfect specimens". It must be frustrating to see them insist that you speak only and only in Hindi, and refuse to communicate with you even if you speak English, the universal language. They don't know the difference between a Madrasi, a Kannadiga, a Mallu and a Andhrite - we all are mallus to all those North-Indian fellas - yep the whole lot.They are Indians too, and yet they really don't care for any of these important details, I know. Their ignorance baffles me - and I admire your bravery to come all the way from the south of this brave nation to fight life's battles - food, clothing, shelter, and money - all this while the states of Punjab, Haryana and Uttaranchal disproportionately sends many of their ignorant chaps to join the Indian Army to protect this useless country. An I don't know why you are still staying there inspite of being so close to the Pakistani border - it's insane you know. You have to go back to your hometown and look for better opportunities there (I'm assuming they do exist, don't they?).

Dear ordinary citizens and mortals

My closest friends (by physical proximity) come from all walks of life - I know (by choice) the caste, economic status, religious affiliation of each one of them. But just because I have problems with the reservation system, or with any particular religion, doesn't mean I don't like my friends. Sometimes, their attitude pisses me off - so much so I show my displeasure frequently. But it's called life, and life is all about adjusting. I have to adjust to them the way they adjust to my various habits. I know they are not perfect, and neither am I.

I know the city I live is isn't perfect either - I have met and talked with Delhiites and I am surely pissed off with some of them. But then, we have our own ideas of perfection, and every state/city/country has its share of "idiots" and "loonies". I know that, understand that, and respect that. Hey, who would be make fun of if we were all perfect?

So stop cribbing about each and every fella you meet who strengthens the stereotype that you harbour about everyone around you. If you want, you can surely stay in your shell and crib about life and what it has to offer. If you have the "balls" to do so (figuratively), I suggest you adjust to it. And before cribbing about a certain North-South stereotype, think twice. This is the same Indian who lives his his own shell - and by criticizing him/her for what he/she is you are merely stooping as low as you think they are. If you don't like something, please ignore it, especially if there is nothing else you can do about it. If you can't, at least please stop blogging about it - else I'll stereotype you as that cheapo who does cheap stunts to stay in the news and to gain publicity (and I am not referring to the Congress Party in any way). Yep, I can and will do that - and not regret it - not because I love doing so. I thought about ignoring your kind for a long time, for many many years, but it has crossed the limit now. 

Yours Sincerely

VRS.

Dear Interviewer...

Hi friends

Off late, I have had the fortune (or misfortune) of attending interviews for various HR positions for different firms across India. They have ranged from telephonic interviews to videoconference calls. However, I’ve noticed one commonality in all these interviews i.e. the HR Manager, who is supposed to be my future boss, acts so naïve and ignorant, it makes me think – is the quality of HR in firms really worse than what I’d imagined it to be?

Let me give you one example for a recent interview, for the position of AM – HR (Talent Acquisition) at a reputed Telecom company. The position mentioned the following roles and responsibilities:

Ø  Responsible for Talent Acquisition for entire Chennai and Kerala Circle.

Ø  Handling end to end recruitments (which I’m doing in my current profile)

Ø  Responsible for Induction and Exit Interview.

Ø  Handling entire vendor management (which I can learn quickly)

I can guarantee you that my anger
 supersedes that of Cartman any day... 

After I’d applied for the position, the consultant told me that the role involves 80% Talent Engagement and 20% Talent Management as its profile. Naturally, I assumed that I would not be shortlisted for the profile, as I have had no experience in the former area. However I was shortlisted for the Interview. Now before you read further, please note the following points:

Pt. 1: I never exaggerate in my CV. I mention exactly what I did, in plain and simple words. With reference to the work experience, I mention what I did in the specific areas I have had experience in.

Pt. 2: The HR head interviewing me has my CV in front of him.

Pt. 3: I was shortlisted after seeing my CV and considering me fit for the role (which I assume is the case with most firms)

During the Interview, I was asked the following questions:

Q1. “Ok so did you join the firm through campus placement?” “Yes sir I did”. “Ok, so why did you opt for STC?”

The response I should have given: I would request you Sir to kindly refer to my CV which says “IIM Lucknow, batch of 2009”, and recall that the year 2009 was the toughest year for placements across all B-Schools. It’s not rocket science – if you’ve been in the HR Domain for at least three years, you would understand why I joined my current firm. A more appropriate question would be “Why still in STC?”, which I would have been happy to answer.

Q2. Your CGPA is so low. Why is that so?

The response I should have given: Sir, I am not joining a MBA institute for doing my SECOND MBA. I am here to talk about my potential to work in the profile that you have advertised in various job-sites. If my CGPA did matter, why did you shortlist me in the first place? I don’t want to give excuses about my CGPA - I agree it was pretty dismal - but I can show you my mark-sheets, and prove that my FGPA for HR is more than 7, more than a point above my actual CGPA.

Q3. We are actually looking for someone who did more than what you did in your current profile ...

The response I should have given: With all due respect (read: WTF dude!), I request you not to mislead me with your current profile. I have been very honest with what I’ve been doing in my current work. If you wish you deride my past or current achievements, please do not call me for an interview. It wastes time and money, both ways. I have sent my CV for a reason – not for using it as trash paper.

I want you to consider – why would a person working in a very similar profile want to shift jobs? Especially since you are willing to offer less than the average MBA package for students from “premier B-schools” (which you desired for your current profile). And yes, I would also like to remind you that what I did in the past should have no bearing on what I am capable of doing in the future. The interview is as much to ascertain my job fit, as it is to evaluate my potential for the role being offered. If you are not a good judge of that, it’s better we don’t meet, because if we do meet and if I am told once more that I am not good enough, without proper and credible evaluation from your side, I might just have to give you a piece of my mind.

(The author is a pissed-off premier B-School grad, who works in the Personnel Division of a Mini-Ratna PSU)