Friday, November 22, 2013

Titanic Versions

One day, when I was feeling lazy, I was pondering upon a sms (yes I even do ridiculous stuff like that) that someone sent me regarding Rajinikant (who else!). The SMS ran as follows:

Tamil Version of the Titanic: Rajinikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean, Kate Winslet in one hand and the TITANIC in the other !!!

So I was thinking "If the Titanic were indeed made in varous languages (or by different people), what would it look like? Here are a few thoughts...

Telugu: Balayya orders a meal. Waiter brings wrong dish. Balayya gets angry, slams the table hard. Whole ship vibrates and cracks due to resonance. Titanic sinks (The remaining movie would have consisted of the usual song-and-dance routines and Balayya getting involved in clan fights)

Hindi: SRK charms Kate in his first life. They commit suicide and meet aboard the TITANIC in their rebirth. Rest of the movie follows with a lot of much fanfare.

Pakistan: Same as Hindi version, but released on Pirated DVDs.

Chinese: Titanic hits an iceberg at the start of the film. 2 hours, 30 unpronounceable names & 50 mind-blowing fight sequences later, the TITANIC sinks.

Japanese: Frustrated passengers commit mass suicide initiated by the ship's captain and musicians. Ship never reaches destination, let alone sink.

Nolan's version: The story proceeds like the 1997 version, with more arbitrary dialogue and less romance. At the end of the movie, Jack wakes up from his dream and continues his shitty life of a ship's worker.

French: Jack is a disgruntled, heavily-talented painter. Kate comes to France from England, and Jack is mystified with her beauty. He makes her his inspiration and even follows her back to England aboard the TITANIC (yes a different course for the ship). The ship crashes into huge rocks at the Straits of Gibraltar and sinks, while Jack professes his love for her.

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